Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
