census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
