I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
