Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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