I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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