please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
