Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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