I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
