I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love having hate sex.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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