I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor