Texts From Last Night

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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Whats the glycemic index on semen?

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  (216): Whats the glycemic index on semen? http://tfl.nu/dx5r
  Replies (17) Good night (2824) Bad night (875)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.

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  (602): Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter. http://tfl.nu/60s7
  Replies (17) Good night (1264) Bad night (4885)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics

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  (509): I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics http://tfl.nu/1cmu
  Replies (13) Good night (4954) Bad night (981)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong

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  (856): i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong http://tfl.nu/5qbx
  Replies (15) Good night (6571) Bad night (1626)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.

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  (513): We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case. http://tfl.nu/f3uf
  Replies (17) Good night (3951) Bad night (986)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.

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  (978): Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane. http://tfl.nu/r200
  Replies (20) Good night (3036) Bad night (1575)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine

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  (214): I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine http://tfl.nu/8nsa
  Replies (5) Good night (1900) Bad night (810)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.

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  (815): Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me. http://tfl.nu/oi7v
  Replies (6) Good night (1961) Bad night (923)
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  (818): View more from California

  whose ass print is on the piano?

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  (818): whose ass print is on the piano? http://tfl.nu/s2mm
  Replies (9) Good night (1562) Bad night (523)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  All you need to know is that isn't jizz

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  (206): All you need to know is that isn't jizz http://tfl.nu/nxjk
  Replies (3) Good night (597) Bad night (895)
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  (760): View more from California

  Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself

  (760): View more from California

  Though I typed a half of that one

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  (760): Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself (760): Though I typed a half of that one http://tfl.nu/upbv
  Replies (7) Good night (870) Bad night (432)
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  (+81): View more from

  And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.

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  (+81): And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through. http://tfl.nu/ei8m
  Replies (1) Good night (709) Bad night (397)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?

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  (309): Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety? http://tfl.nu/ikg5
  Replies (2) Good night (749) Bad night (431)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.

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  (732): My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places. http://tfl.nu/xqpe
  Replies (0) Good night (564) Bad night (385)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place

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  (609): I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place http://tfl.nu/fzxi
  Replies (1) Good night (425) Bad night (338)

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