I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices