I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
