Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Who did Billy Mays play for?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.