So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
