Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
