he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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