So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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