I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize