And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
