Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
