This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
