I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
