A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just forgot I was standing up.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
