Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
