Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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