hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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