Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
