very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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