i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How's work?
Spinning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
