Umm I'm too high to move.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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