im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
