OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
