My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
