Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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