so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
