Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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