So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
