can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
