His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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