my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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