I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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