u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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