this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
