This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I stole a fireplace last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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