what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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