i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
