The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So squirting runs in the family.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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