i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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