I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
