I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
