fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
