I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just cropdusted the office
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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