My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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