My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
