dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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