I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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