You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
