His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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