How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
