And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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