He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
