the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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