The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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