my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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