you suck at this game today
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My vagina just recognized that song.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?