I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?