y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
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I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"