She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.