New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already