She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
