from now on my penis is your penis
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sext me about skeletons
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
