I didn't shave. On purpose
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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