I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
