she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
