i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
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I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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