I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
