After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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