you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
no you cant smoke seaweed
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
