I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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