well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
