oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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