dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
