help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I died a long time ago.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
