Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
