New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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