my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
