I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
