I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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