i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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