I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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