Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
