You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
