A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
