she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
