Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
